I've been following a blog by a truly gifted writer named Ann Voskamp called A Holy Experience. Please, check it out. It's beautiful- deeply beautiful.
Anyway, she names her years- the year of communion, etc and this year for her is The Year of Here. I've decided to join her in the pursuit of soaking up every ounce of the here and now. I won't worry or be consumed by what's to come, what could be, or what might be but rather indulge myself in the myriad of awe-inspiring blessings right in front of me.
I will fall deeply in love with the way my daughter's eyelashes criss-cross across her cheeks. I will notice her little pursed lips and how they pucker and spread wide in a grin while she sleeps. I will try so desperately to memorize what her warm weight feels like in my arms; what her giggles, grunts, and goos sound like as they caress my ears. I will take the moments when I am giving her meds as bonding moments, tiny gifts of one on one time that can never be taken back. I will memorize her fingernails and the way the fat rolls on her arm. I will hold her a bit tighter as she nuzzles her head into my shoulder for comfort. I can't get enough of her.
I will deeply KNOW what it feels like to hold hands with my husband in the middle of the night while we both fall asleep. I will stop and take in each smile and joke he sends my way in our own private banter. I will memorize what his rough cheek feels like as he kisses me good bye in the morning. I will be intentional about meeting his eyes when he talks to me and truly experience connection as we walk together in this life.
I will realize my dogs are so hungry for love since Gemma arrived (poor things) and indulge myself and them with the gift of play and cuddles. I will realize that my home is a sanctuary and that the dishes can be done later and the floors scrubbed tomorrow... and when later and tomorrow come, I will notice the warm suds on my hands, the way the counter top shines once the dishes are put away, and the way the sun hits freshly cleaned wet floors.
I will allow myself to rest in my teaching- to meet my kids eyes and smiles with fresh energy, tenderness, and inspiration. To take every moment as it comes- every child as they arrive with joy and compassion.
I will not wish for what could be but be immensely satisfied with what is. I will strive to de-clutter my life, to simplify my home and heart and find order where there is chaos.
As I continue to mother, I continue to see God in a new light. Last night as I was putting Gemma to bed and praying over her, I prayed that she would not forget me as she spends every day with my mom. I'm sure she won't, but I found myself saying, love me best, Gemma, love me best. I was instantly struck with the parental love of God- and His still small voice saying to me, "Sarah, love me best." His love makes me speechless.
I will strive to be an amazing daughter to my heavenly Father and "love Him best". I will continue to pour myself out and feel that emptying as I give and ultimately receive.
The year of Here... are you in?
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