Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Aunt Carole

I am so grateful for Aunt Carole. She's not even my aunt. She's my best friend's aunt and I got to see her on Saturday. I ventured out with Gemma for Beckham's (my best friend Heather's little guy) second birthday. I was worried about Gemma being around a lot of people but I kept her close and no one was sick. I really wanted to talk to Aunt Carole. She's just one of those people who calms me. I have no explanation for it other than she is just the most comforting person to me. When I miscarried over a year ago, she saw me two weeks later and just loved on me- she is a wonderful listener, and so encouraging. She's a pediatric nurse and I had all sorts of questions for her about Gemma. She humored me and looked over Gemma, checking her legs, and her muscle tone. She says she looks just great.

The thing with aspiration in infants is that it can sometimes be caused by or a symptom of something else- and sometimes that something else is Cerebral Palsy. With CP, you don't know if your child suffers from it until they are developed enough to be behind their peers. So, with babies, it's a waiting game. I'm habitually watching to make sure she's using both her hands equally, has good neck strength and is meeting her developmental milestones. Being a first time mom, I don't always know what to look for and I really don't want to miss anything. I'm doing the best I can and all signs are pointing to Gemma being totally normal developmentally and Cerebral Palsy not being an issue at all.

I told Aunt Carole about my concern and she looked Gemma over and reassuringly laughed at me. At that giggle and the words, "oh, she's fine"- I started to cry. It's so hard not knowing what's wrong, if you're doing everything you possibly can, what is best for your child. I'm learning surrender and how to live on my knees in humility. I can't do it all, I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm going to make mistakes. But like my dad says, "I just have faith that no matter what, it's going to be okay-" I'm trying really hard to just trust that no matter what, God will be present, powerful, and peace-giving; no matter the situation. As scary as that can be to surrender, I am so filled with gratitude for my "Aunt Carole". She just calmed me. I can't explain it- I don't even know her that well but she just comforts me.

I willingly handed Gemma over to her that night- she fed her and cuddled her on her chest. Gemma loved it. I love having that complete trust- Carole knows kids, she knows sick kids, she knows respiratory risk kids and she says my girl is fine. She loved on her, looked her over, and loosed me from the rope of self-doubt. God is faithful to provide people who shower His love on us in tangible ways.

Everyone has someone like that- for no apparent reason other than the fact they do, someone who is a calming force in their life. Who is that person for you? Who is your "Aunt Carole"? Who has God placed in your life, however fleeting, to comfort you? to calm you? to reassure you? Who has that calm spirit about them that just speaks to you? Have you thanked them lately?

And to my "Aunt Carole"? Thanks, for being there, listening, and reassuring. You'll never know how wonderfully weighty your words are.

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