I will have Abe take a picture of me this weekend so you can see the difference... I'm getting big! This is just an update of the nursery and how things are here. I have been working a bit on our daughter's room- getting the bedding, doing some little art projects. It's been fun! I think that the closer I get to finishing it, the more impatient I become for her arrival so taking my time is my passive-aggressive way to not get too impatient!
I've been feeling really good lately. Last week I had a bout of some repetitive contractions- I think they were just Braxton Hicks but my doctor had me come in and check anyway. I hadn't been feeling the baby move as much either so I got a little concerned. They hooked me up to the fetal heartrate monitor and as soon as I was hooked up to that, the little darling in my belly decided to swim the 500. She was moving so much that they couldn't even get an accurate heart rate read on her. The nurse who was hooking me up said, "oh, you're going to be in trouble in a few weeks when you start to feel ALL of that!" and just smiled. It was reassuring for me to feel her move so much but I would have loved to have that heart rate measure that the doctor's could see. I have no reason to be concerned, I just would have loved to have another reassuring "Everything looks great!"
The doctor ordered a fetal-fibronectin test (I have no idea how to spell that) to make sure that I wasn't going into preterm labor and thankfully the test came back negative. They told me that I needed to drink a lot of water- more than I have been... even though I thought I was hydrated. That seems to help keep the contractions at bay or at least at a much less frequent level. I'm taking it easy, doing some prenatal Yoga, and trying to get good quality sleep. All in all, I'm feeling really good.
She's moving a lot now and I get to feel her pretty regularly. I love feeling her move. It's the most amazing feeling. Sometimes it's not that comfortable- she seems to kick me in the oddest places but it reassures me that she's there and reminds me of the miracles that are conception, pregnancy, and childbirth.
I've been struggling with fear lately. Fear of the unknown for delivery and post-delivery, fear for her safety and her well-being, and fear for Abe and my life after we add a child to our family. I know that fear is not what God wants for me or for my family during this special time so I've really been praying against that. I read a book called "Supernatural Childbirth" that Heather gave me about claiming God's promises for your conception, pregnancy, labor, delivery and childbirth and it's really gotten me thinking. I've been praying for a fast and uncomplicated delivery and I trust God can provide me with that. I'm also praying for a healthy baby and mommy at the end of this. I'm trusting that God will hear my prayer. I know God can do it. He is capable of anything. This book made one remark that stuck with me: "God is no respecter of people" meaning He doesn't show favoritism or exclusivity so His promises are as much for me as for anyone. Heather had told me about a book in which the author said that God wants us to believe that His promises are possible, that He can do whatever miracle we request. Whether that miracle is what we receive or not, God is still capable. We live in a fallen world and the reality is that everything is not the way it should be. Babies die, mothers die, families get hurt, distruction and pain are still present in this world but I have hope. I know in my heart that God has children for Abe and I in our future and I will claim that promise. I will have faith that God can provide me with a fast, uncomplicated delivery and a healthy baby girl when the time is right.
My mom said that I should pray for God's will because His will is always what's right for us. I agree with that but take it one step further. I believe God's will for me is to "be fruitful and multiply" (Gen 1:28) and that His will is for me to be blessed with children "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." (1 Sam 1:27) I know these to be truths and I will leave the rest up to God. I will believe Him and leave the details that can be so worrisome up to Him. He's much better at dealing with my worry and fear than I am!
So, I guess you could say I've been nesting: both in home and heart. I am becoming increasingly aware of the decisions I make and their impact on my child. I'm paring down my life and getting rid of things that are unnecessary or pre-occupy my mind and am trying to focus on what's really important. No matter what- when this life is over, you can't take your savings with you, your good looks, your nice clothes, your clean house, your education, or your status with you. All that remains is your love for God and your love for others. After all the "stuff" is gone, there will be life and God. So, with that in mind, I am seeking to raise my child to love God, love others, and be fulfilled. All the temporal things: job, housing, clothing, etc. has to play a part in her life but not in her eternity.
Deep thoughts for 7:30 in the morning, huh?
For those of you praying for Abe and I as we grow this little girl, I would ask that you join me in praying for:
1. A healthy baby and a healthy mom at the end of this pregnancy.
2. A fast and uncomplicated delivery for Sarah.
3. An increasingly deeper relationship between Abe and Sarah as they become parents.
4. the full absence of worry, fear, or uncertainty in the heart/mind of Sarah, Abe, and the doctors who work with them.
If you are "signing on" to pray for us, please let me know. It's wonderful and such a blessing to know that others are thinking of you, carrying you to the throne of God, and keeping your well-being in their heart throughout this process.
I've been so blessed by this verse lately. I just picture God holding me and my unborn daughter so tightly in the palm of His hand.
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.
So, just for fun, here's a little sneak peak at a few things in the nursery. It's not done yet and I'll post pics of it all when it is done but here's something to tide you over.
This is the branch that I painted to go over her crib. Underneath it, I will hang the letters for her name.
This is on her book shelf- I said, no pink and no theme in the nursery and here I am... pink and birds. Sheesh!
A small corner of one of the letters for her name... no, you can't see the whole thing!
This is the quilt of her bedding, hanging on the wall for now just for looks- since she won't be using it for a long time!
Lastly, this is a darling little child-size rocking chair that I got at HomeGoods for $39. It's totally frivolous but I couldn't resist! It's so cute and I have visions of our little girl rocking on it with a book. Abe thinks I've lost it! At least the dogs haven't discovered it yet as a place for them to recline!!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
So, we found out what we're having: a little girl! I'm really excited and so is Abe although he is already thinking ahead to dating and weddings and feeling stressed...
Plenty of time for that later. I wanted to post another picture for those of you who don't see me every day. What a difference 7 weeks makes! Wow! I'm over half way there and feeling pretty good. I'm feeling her kicking and punching and I love it. It reminds me that she's in there and that she's alive! Feeling her little moves in my belly is really amazing. That being said, I can't wait to hold her in my arms and feel her little squirming body for real!
My best friend Heather just had her daughter Evalyn Joy on Wednesday June 2nd and it made me all the more excited to be having a little girl. To be able to raise our little ladies together is going to be really special. I can't wait to watch our daughters carry on our friendship (let's hope they like each other!). Please continue to keep Evalyn in your prayers as she is still in the NICU working on her breathing. We are hoping she'll be home in a week or so.
I'm starting to feel fearful about the delivery and post delivery life with my little one so I'm going to spend this summer really focusing myself on being ready for her. I bought a devotional journal called Jesus: 90 days with the One and Only by Beth Moore and look forward to starting my morning in a centered, focused way- inviting God into my frazzled world and allowing Him to make peace out of all of this.
I read over all my blog posts from when we lost our first baby and felt really emotional over not only the loss of our baby but over the distance I feel between me and God right now. I know in that crisis, I felt God's presence so distinctly and so tangibly. I am entering into a new season in my life where responsibilities are changing drastically and I need that intimacy with God. So, I'm handing over my fear and pressing into the palm of the creator so that I am the mother God wants me to be to my little girl. I know I won't be perfect- I'm so thankful that I don't have to be. I am filled with love for this little life inside me and that's a beautiful place to start. I'm just praying I hear God's voice leading me and that I don't take Him for granted. All in all, though, I am doing well and waiting with breathless anticipation for baby girl Wolfe.
Even though I am feeling good, moving easily, and sleeping pretty well sometimes I pass a mirror and I feel like this:
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