Today we got a delivery of a bed wedge to elevate one side of Gemma's crib mattress, a Danny Sling to prevent her from rolling down to the end of the crib, and now she's taking a nap all by herself in her crib.
So where does the sad Mama come in? Well, since she's so refluxy, and aspirates thin liquids, our doctor recommended that Gemma sleep inclined and in a Danny Sling. So, now she has to sleep in her crib at night. I've gotten used to her sleeping in her bassinet right next to me. I could just sit up and stare at her if I needed to see her. I could scoop her up if she was crying and cuddle her on my chest if she was having a hard time going to sleep. Now, I have to sleep in a separate room and it's breaking my heart. My little girl, so small, in that big crib... I may have to spend a few nights in the leather recliner in her room just to ease myself into this transition. I'm sure she'll be fine, but me? Not so much.
If I'm this worked up over her using her own bed in the nursery that I envisioned her sleeping in for months, what on earth am I going to be like when she has her first tooth, gets on the bus to Kindergarten, graduates High School, gets married, has her own baby!? Oh my aching heart... it's all too much. Thank God, she's got a long way to go before I'm zipping her up in her wedding gown or watching her get on the school bus. God knew what He was doing when He started us out as babies.
I'm loving her right now- cuddling with her, feeding her, talking to her, kissing her little cheeks. She is the best birthday present I've ever gotten! And I've gotten some good ones... a house, a dog...
Abe and I are going out for my birthday tomorrow night just the two of us. I'm so excited. We are going for delicious steak and wine dinner. I have missed my one on one time with him. I know that we are parents now but we were a couple first and he's the love of my life- I am dying to reconnect with him. We are both looking forward to spending a little time together that is not punctuated with spit up, crying Gemma, barking dogs, or dishes piled in the sink.
Life is good, God is good. We are so hopeful that God will heal Gemma completely and she'll be on her way to normal foods/liquids soon. She's worth every odd medical thing- bed wedges and slings, and every late night feeding. I'm re-evaluating my life right now, realizing that pleasing others is not what is the most important calling in my life. The People Pleaser in me is fighting that, but is freed by that statement at the same time. My priority is raising my daughter, loving my husband, and honoring God. All else can wait- dirty dishes included.